reach strategically

I never realize until I learn and study more about God. He is not a god of formula and matrix. Yes, he partially using formula and matrix but He is the God of relationship. Can we put relationship in formula? Relationship with formula is not relationship. How often we put Him in a box and in a sense, treat Him like a Genie or Santa Clause? It's the stupidity of humanity. It's never about formula, it's never about steps, it's all about the wedding to come. It's all about the God who is a lover. LOVER. And He is jealous for His bride. It's crazy. I mean, why would he? He create us not because He was lonely and need companionship. The Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit was perfect. From eternity to eternity, they lack nothing. There is no reason for Him to create us but love. Even more so, He send His only Son to die for us. Insanity. We often mention the words, "I love you" too often. Too often until we forget the true meaning behind it. Love is a myste

"at what cost, justice?" that question was big in my head. at what cost? at what cost? JUSTICE. I was praying last night, about the human trafficking in the nations. We all prayed from Isaiah 42. It was a powerful time, but to be honest, I wasn't fully engaged because I was distracted with some other stuff. And I regret it. "...In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he established justice on earth. In His law the islands will put their hope." I was watching this rockumentary film about human trafficking, when I start ball my eyes out in the movie theater. I mean, I watch movies like that before... you know, like Invisible Child so on and so forth. But this one seems different to me. Not that any other movies doesn't break my heart, it does, but this one is arising somewhat that you called righteous anger. Most of this was taking in the South East Asia, as like Cambodia and Thailand. Some part of India and Euro

it was just some random events. we were gathering in my room and chatting while I'm uploading all my pictures to Facebook. You know a bunch of us, girls. And when girls gather, what they usually talk? Guys. True that. But a lot of time, we talk about God and His work too. (I am in the Missions College, remember?) well, this one girl was talking about the guy that she met in the market, he's Kenyan. And I was grabbing some apple pie in the fridge and I say, "I met one, and to be honest, he is quiet hot." Nah, wait a minute. I am not a type of girl that will look Kenyan or even more general, African as a cute-being. They're more handsome and manly type. Not cute. Not really, hot. But this one I said is quiet hot. And the conversation roll on. "Oh my! Have you met a Jew?" I never met a Jew in my life, so I just keep on munching my apple pie. And they said that Jews are hot. They were freaking out. They were freaking me out. I don't know, I never persona

it was almost dark, when everybody starts to come out from their nest. smoking cigar and chatting with buddies in the parking lot. this place is like home to them. a place where they can express them self, be whoever they want to be. do whatever they want to do. only the sky, is the limit. whites, blacks, Chinese, Cambodians, Vietnamese, Africans. Christians, Buddhist, Muslims, Daoist, atheists, whatever-ist. dancers, poets, engineers, doctors, businessman-to-be, artists, actors, directors. everybody shouting the same voice, "I am my future!" the sun keeps going down, the city turn dark. light ball start clicking everywhere. the city turn gold. it is the golden city. full of golden people. with golden mind. then we march down the road. passing that golden mind again and again. they ask, "and then what?" is there any more to life than this? than just this gold? we keep walking. we are hugging the Maker. we have hope. we breathe life. we know. we don't have the go

It is almost fall. Oh my, times fly by so quick. It's unbelievable. As the new August freshmen enter in, i have been doing tons and tons of work in the kitchen because we are short handed. But it's been great, learning about endurance, and patience. God has been teaching me a lot about that. But I have good news, the new students are here. Yay! I am super excited about them coming in and get to know them as I know my classmates. There are 53 of them and they all are super cool! I love them to pieces... Despise all the hectic and chaotic-ness, I have been enjoying being my own self. I feel I have been come to my own life and enjoying life as I giving thanks to the Lord, each day. I have been talking with some of the new girls (and guys too), and just casting out vision to them. It's been challenging and exciting! I feel like this is how I live my life. Meeting new people, get to know them, share Jesus with them, even they all are Christians. But I just enjoy laughing and bei

So, finally the August's students left the campus already. So, what's left is us, the 11 of us (not including the mentors) as the Januaries class. It's been a heart wrecking and a pretty emotional days, but we get through it together. But the good news is, us as the Januaries get to hang out A LOT. and it's been really good because we never get a chance to hang out before. Like, ever. I know it sounded weird but that's what happen. So this week, we have been catching up with some things and talks that we probably need to do a long time a go. And this is, for the first time, I feel like there is a hope. For our class. For me. To make a difference in our society. This is for the first time I feel like, we're sharing our burdens and not being selfish and try to work things out together . And it's been a blessings. Because for so long, my heart ache for such relationship like this, being real to each other and really love one another. Now I am fall in love with

As for me I was bound to my transgression I was bound to my sin bound to condemnation As for me I was an object of His wrath Fully deserving of death, fully deserving of death You saw me there because of your great love You saw me there because your rich in mercy You made me alive when I was dead You raised me up and seated me with Christ It's by your grace that I am saved It is through faith, is the very gift of life Eternally, I've been bought with blood There will never be another sacrifice What can I say? This song say everything about my life. That I have been bound to my sin, and I was bound to condemnation. But Romans 8 said that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The more I know Him, the more I know that He is rich in mercy and He is slow to anger. He is so merciful and abundant in love. I know I don't deserve Him, it seems like I receive His forgiveness and I throw that back oh His face whenever I sin again. Is it possible for man, to be fr

When I was little, my mom always taught me that one day I'm going to be a history maker. I was still in the elementary school and my mom started a "Cell Group" every Wednesday for young kids like me, and my brother. We will have our friends come with us, and we will meet under the table in one this big house. It was okay, I was really young... what can I say? One thing that I enjoy is the pizza and candies afterwards. But, surprisingly, after a year or two, the member grow rapidly from 5 to around a hundred kids. And the majority of them are my class-mate, or school-mate. It was amazing. All of a sudden, the room are jammed pack with kids my age and we will sing praise songs and we split according to our age, to receive the word of God and pray together. It was fun! Since a lot of people having trouble coming on Wednesday, they move it to Friday. As the result, more kids coming. I am not talking about kids that grow in Christian home, I am talking about kids that never en

So, I realize that I haven't been able to blog a lot about what is going on lately.. part of it because I am super busy with my summer classes and elective. I took a summer course, about the world religion. It's very-very interesting. There is several religion that we touch on to.. for example, Buddhism, Hinduism, Animism, Islam, Confucianism, and Taoism. Because that is kind of the main religion in the world. It's been pretty interesting to me because I came from a Buddhist family background, so I understand a lot about Buddhism, and I have an aunt that was a Hindu, and her intermediate family are still on Hinduism. And of course, Islam is not a new thing for me, as I live in the largest muslim population country. So it's been so appetizing to me, as we learn about this, I can see it from a different perspective. I can see it from my point of view, as the Eastern part of the world, not as the Westerners. It is so interesting about how many things that I unconsciously k

Today was a pretty gloomy and gray day. I was so bummed by the fact that the sun didn't show up today. and I was so tired, after 5 hours of class and 2 hours work, I just want to crash in my bed, you know. But, it's raining. and it was a heavy rain, with thunder. The sky turn so black and the rain was just pouring out from heaven. It's been a while that I really wanna do this. You know. Dancing and running in the rain. It sounds weird but, I really wanna do it. So I did. Oh man... I went to the football field, and I ran and sing and dance like crazy. I enjoy the Lord so much. And I sang, "Open the flood gates of heaven... let it rain.. let it rain.." I raise up my hands and my heart worshiped Him. "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty.." I feel free. Freedom. To express my self. It was the nature, the creation reveal the creator. It's such a marvelous thing. I sang with rain as an instrumental, the harmony that created from raindrops in the benc

"Summer!! Summer! What time it is? Summer time!" (HSM2) Yeah, it's finally summer time, here in Minnesota. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lamb. I am super happy, that it's finally summer. I get enough of the winter and the snow. Not that say it's bad.. (well, it's pretty bad this time). But thanks for anybody who prayed that I survived the winter! But what more interesting is.. I got to swim yesterday in the Bush Lake! Oh man, it felt so good to be back in the water. I seriously think that inside of me, I am amphibian. I need to be in the water to live.. even though I can live in the ground. So, to be back into the water.. is like... being alive again. Oh my goodness... you have no idea how happy I am to beck into the water. I feel refresh and... alive. I swim and swim in the lake.. even though the water still kindda chill, but man, I enjoy that more than anything. and today... I even got a lil sunburn. Praise God! I really appreciate sun, a lot more since I got

ah, it was in the chapel room today... I fall asleep. Oh I was so tired though.. but that's not what I wanna talk about. I saw these kids coming in, it was Jeremy Johnson's kids.. aww, they're so cute. but what remind me is.. I remember those days, when I was a child.. my parents used to took me to church when they had prayer meeting or something. I don't understand a thing that happened in the church. I was wearing pajamas, it was so comfy. When people pray.. I will just running, back and forward, twirling, spin around, laugh at myself, talk to myself and when I'm tired I will be just cuddling in the feet of my mom and fall asleep. I don't understand a thing, I know nothing, nothing about church. All I know, church is fun.. there's people and I can play. Just going through my childhood, made me sad. Eh, sort of. Because now I understand church, whatever happen. The politics, the performance, the structure, the liturgy, and all that stuff. When I was a child

Still on my journey finding my identity. Ah! It is so aggravating.. because it seems like it never ends. But you know, being away from my comfort zone, being in another country was not an easy transition for me. It's just different than last time I came here, because the last time I was here, it's only like 3 months, and then extended to 6 months. But now, I know that I have to stay here for at least a year. And just the fact that I can't change that, made me really sad. It was huge for me. I remember telling the Lord, that this year.. will be just me and Him, walk together, side by side. There will be nobody else. And he actually DID. He pull me out of the way and take me tight to His side. It sounds really good, isn't it? Walking with the Lord.... it's good, but it wasn't easy. At all. But he never said it will be easy anyways.. He said that he will give strength. It was one of those days.. again, I felt frustrated. Nobody to talk with, alone, and nobody seems

I don't really know where to start, to be honest. Because it's been amazing, yet, frustrating. It the week when I can see clearly the cross. The cross, where Jesus was crucified. I see it in the people, I see it through my reflection. Because everyday, I nailed that nail into His hands, and I put the crown of thorns in His head again, and again. I see it through people's life, I see it in people's eyes, I see it in my own life. I know that it was my sins that He took. I was just one of them. Sinners. The wretch one. I am no difference than the killer, the people in the street and the homeless. I am just one of them. I am nothing more than any of them, I try to find Jesus, but when I finally found Him, I failed Him. I am a failure. I can never ever be perfect. That's why He came. And rescue me. He know that I can't be with Him without grace. This week, I had an opportunity to get to the people, the worse people and the wretch. The homeless, the drugs addict, the

It is the storm that made me who I am right now. It was thundering, the storm was a reality for me. I couldn't see anything else besides the tree that shaking, the roaring thunder and the lightning. It was dark, it was really dark. The water start coming to my face and it was cold. I was shivering. My hair was soaking wet. And the water was just pouring out from the sky. And I cried out loud, "Father! Where are you?" He didn't answer me. I couldn't see Him anywhere. It was again, the reality for me. I was scared, I see nothing but the storm. The trees shaking really hard and the thunder is roaring again. I cried. I scream on top of my lounge. It still raining. And as a thunder rolls, I barely hear, He whisper through the rain, "I'm with you..." And after that, all I know is I was on my Father's chest. I am His and He is mine. If there were no storms, there's no me right now. I've been learning a lot, I've been falling a lot but again,

What? What is coming?? What?? The season is coming, dude! The spring is coming up!! You all maybe laugh... or think that I am crazy but let me tell you. You have no idea how happy I am that today was actually 60 degrees. It's been like ages since I feel the warm weather... Minnesota is pretty darn cold, as you all know and I've been experiencing the coldest winder in the past 6 years, so... I totally have a right to be partying all night for warmness. I celebrated it! Woke up this morning and I went running with some friend... aaahhh... so amazing! You just have no clue how warm it is and how nice it is... after that, I sat down in patio and start reading a book. The sun shining down on me... the birds are coming back... oh, it was great. It was so great. And then me and couple friends went to the river near by... and it just unbelievable. We sat down in the grass, reading a book, and I did some sketch. PRAISE JESUS!! When I was in Indonesia, I never be so thankful for warm, ev

This is one of those day... you know, when you feel so crappy... and just want to quit from life. I feel like crap, everything is crap. People, work, classes, cell group... this is just wasting my time. Aaah! I need to leave.. I need to go... I don't know where. I want to be home. I am so emotional, I am so desperate, I am going crazy. I started felling sick, so I decided to take 2 hours off from my work in the kitchen, I felt so ridiculously horrible. My stomach and head hurts, issues with friends and society... Tired of life. I really don't like being in the USA, to be really honest with you. I rather go back to Indonesia and leave in my stinky old room. I just want to go home. But, I don't have home anymore. I woke up this morning and I woke my roommate up, and the first thing that came out from her mouth is the whine sound. I am so sick of it. I left and I promise my self that I will never ever whine, because I realize how annoying it is. Two of my best friend here, is

I don't know what to write. Weird. Weird and weird. I didn't even know why I'm here. I'm not gonna say anything. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't know what to say. Weirrrdd... This is totally out of my comfort zone. This is not where I belong.At all. But this is not about me, isn't it? It's all about God, and we just follow. That's follower. He never said that the road will be easy, but He said that He will give us strength in the storm. "There will be mountains that I will have to climb And there will be battles that I will have to fight But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide But how can I expect to win If I never try. I just can't give up now I've come too far from where I started from Nobody told me the road would be easy and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me Never said there wouldn't be trials Never said I wouldn't fall Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go But

Everything has a seasons… There’s a season to laugh, there’s a season to cry There’s a season for waiting, there’s a season to stop waiting There’s a season to be honest, and there’s a season to lie There’s a season to move fast, and there’s a season to just stand still There’s a season to hold hands, there’s a season to lose their hands There’s a season to remember, there’s a season to forget what we remembered Seasons come, and seasons go… There’s a season to hate somebody, but now there’s a season to love somebody Somebody whom I know that I can’t be with. Sometimes I just don’t understand this things. Not that he doesn’t love me back. But it’s all just a Season… "Season come and season go. Sun will shine and flowers grow. Winter comes and my heart Yours. For You will never leave me alone."

Slave. Pfsh! Silly, I'm ain't gonna be a slave to nobody. Servant. Yeah, tell me about it. Humble. I don't know. I don't understand. Ohhh... that's me long time ago. I don't understand those words. All I care is me, me and me. I do what I want. Everything have to submit to me, I always get the authority and I get what I want. Always. But following Christ is not about that. At all. He said "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35 Humility, is not just talking about the heart attitude but the act as well. Servant is listening to what the Master said and obey it. Servant is being putting in the lowest place, servant is not complaining, servant is know that he/she is worth nothing besides the Master. Servant is diligent, servant is not proud (dooh!), servant is belong to the Master and do what the Master's will is. Servant is obeying, servant is not judging, servant is putting everybody else above ours

I am. Me. Natasha. Sasha That's me. I am not trying to be someone else right now. I will do whatever I want to do. I will be whatever I want to be. I am not living under my friend's shadow anymore. I don't care if people don't like my style. I am not hanging out with the people that 'cool' but not have a cool attitude. I am hanging out with my true friends. I am not scare of people's opinion. I am doing what is right. I am not gonna hide my face anymore. I will be... me. My self. I'm gonna be honest to my self and leave whatever keep me in my box. I am sick of living a lie. I'm gonna spread my wings and soar. I will not wait. I will not let people shaped my character. I even don't care if I don't have friends. Because this is the real me. This is who I am. You like it or not. I don't wanna be cool, if being cool is not me. Jesus wasn't cool. He wasn't hang out with cool people, He hang out with the jerks, tax collector and prostit

Let me get this clear, being different is not being rebellious, right? Everyone agree here? Good. I hate being rebellious and being with rebellious people. I used to be one though. And I realize that sometimes we just have to be humble and submit to the authority. Right? I love being different, but not being rebellious and annoying. Complaining, and murmuring is not my thing. Last year, I learn a lot how to be a servant of all, and just do whatever they told me. I submit to the authority just like I submit to Christ. Well, there's some ridiculous rules and regulation, but as long it's still in the line, I have no problem with it. The thing that I learned a lot, and I grow up is... it's is important how your heart attitude is and how your first respond. And if being different cross that line, I'm not okay with that. Because, out of my realization, I gossip, and talk about people behind their back. I complain and murmur. That's not right. But I can't make up my mi

God was putting Tibet in my heart for such a long time ago. And I knew, that I am called there, but I don't know why and how. Seriously, how many of you have a thought to go to Tibet, to share the Gospel? You could've get killed I believe. Because, c'mon! You all know Tibet... only crazy people want to go there. Well, I am one of them. It's crazy how I love Tibet, and how it's stirring in my heart that I have a deep calling and desire to go there. It's ridiculous! I don't wanna go to Tibet, actually, but God want me to and he put His desire in my heart and it's start stirring and breaking inside of me. It's just to long to write how God's work in my life. It's crazy at the same time. I don't understand, but he put such a big plan for me to live my life. This afternoon, God spoke to me clearly, step by step how to reach strategically. It's insane, let me tell you. If you're not having a relationship with God, you'll not underst

Oh I love to laugh. Laugh is one of my favorite things in the world. Laughing is a gift from God. Not many people can laugh though. It's not like the kind of laugh that sounded like.. "eh heh heh heh.." with forced smile and had a tons of wrinkle in your face. It is laugh that you just can't stop it, and your stomach is getting cramp because you laugh so hard, and you are hardly breath because it was just so amazing. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh until you feel like you need to go the bathroom. And I think that kind of laugh cannot came out with certain people. That kind of laugh will come out with your best friend, the person that you can be the way you are in the real life. Because when we laugh like that we look really og-ley but beautiful at the same time. Oh I love to laugh. Laugh is really fun. And it's a reflection of joy, and joy-ness. If you have joy, you'll laugh, or smile at least. Laugh is a good thing to do, you'll look younger for longer time. h

Oh, today is valentine’s day! Yay! Everybody was so happ y, the girls is dressing up to meet their cute little date and have a romantic dinner with candle light.. o.. ooo… so sweet! Yeah, Whatever. I don’t know, I used to care so much about valentine’s day. And, it’s just stop growing until... sometimes at the age of my life. I don’t know why though. It was weird. Because I was just thinking... mhhmm.. why people show love in valentine's day? I don't understand. Well, the story behind that is there's this guy, named Saint Valentine and he is a Romanian's high priest. In the time of Claudius Caesar rules, they hand out this rules that no guys can get married. (This dude must be out of his mind!) because he thinks, that they can be a better soldier and warrior if they don't have family. Well, that was stupid, so Saint Valentine stood up and say, "That's not Biblical, brother!" So he bless and do marriage secretly in the church underground and stu

How well, Fred Markert is such an awesome dude! He is my hero now (I'm sorry Fox), but man, he is just so cool! He lead the YWAM base in Colorado Springs and he's been all over the world. He taught us about missions today for about a week, I wish he can stay here longer. Oh man. I am burning. There's something that's been cold for quiet a while and now it's burning again. Man! It's such a great fire form heaven. So, I have a heart for Tibet, China, and all those Asian country. Oh man, I am breaking and longing to go there. And this dude has a same passion. He was talking, on and on about what he has been done in China, Tibet and Bhutan. How God used him in such a mighty and wonderful ways that people can possibly imagine. I am thrilled. I am speechless. But I am breaking. Last year, I work with YWAM in Trinidad, and I had such a great and life changing time. I love YWAM. I met Loren Cunningham when he visited Indonesia, and I was there when they planted the new

Well, anyways, I wanna make a note about that book tho. That the book is explaining that there is... a spiritual or demon posses that comes from our forefathers. It went through 3-4th generation. Creepy, but true. I notice that since a long time a go. My parents both taught me that. And well, a lot of things happen before, that I believe that they cut that off for me and my brother life. That I will not suffer from their sin and I am belongs to God, not to them.

I was just read this book, The Bondage Breaker, man! I love that book, even though I didn't finished it. (yet). It just put so much thoughts in my mind, it just like speak and exist just for me. haha. well, the things that I've learned are the demon is still exist, that's stinks but yeah, they're real, dude! and they still working, reallll hard to destroy God's church. we think, naah.. there's no such things anymore. yeah, right. they're everywhere, man! if we don't know that he and their kiddo working double shift, we are in trouble. They're exist and they've been crazy about the Christian. but the thing that really got me is that, you need to maintain your freedom. Isn't it weird? yeah. but it's true. because as long we live in this sick old world, then the devil will always try to bug us. I mean seriously, always. It's just so dangerous and crazy. We got the victory, yeah, but we need to keep it, and maintain it. We have to keep fo

Well, a lot of people say, "Yeah, 2008 is the year of a new beginning!" But for me, it really are a new begining. I'm not even joke about it.. Let's see, I've past a lot of things on 2007. Whew, not sure where to start. It's just too much. ha-ha Maybe I'll start with my life, it's been changing in the year of 2007. I've been to Zambia, and Trinidad, and the US and yeah, pretty much that. God's been so awesome that I couldn't even tell what He has done in my life. Everything is just so.. so wonderful! I do plenty of ministry, plenty enough to sometimes makes me exhausted, even bone-tired! Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna crushed or something because I am so tired. I took every ounce of my being to serve God, believe me, but I did past through that stuff. It's been amazing, amazing time that it ever been serving my Master. Well, it's sounds maybe like I'm great, doing all this stuff. Eventually, a lot of people told me that, &q