Finding me


Let me get this clear, being different is not being rebellious, right? Everyone agree here? Good.

I hate being rebellious and being with rebellious people. I used to be one though. And I realize that sometimes we just have to be humble and submit to the authority. Right? I love being different, but not being rebellious and annoying. Complaining, and murmuring is not my thing. Last year, I learn a lot how to be a servant of all, and just do whatever they told me. I submit to the authority just like I submit to Christ.
Well, there's some ridiculous rules and regulation, but as long it's still in the line, I have no problem with it.
The thing that I learned a lot, and I grow up is... it's is important how your heart attitude is and how your first respond. And if being different cross that line, I'm not okay with that.
Because, out of my realization, I gossip, and talk about people behind their back. I complain and murmur. That's not right.
But I can't make up my mind at all. It is crazy, because I feel like I'm in between my self and most of my friends.
Not just that, I'm still figuring my self out.

Who I really am?

What am I stand for? Why I can't say no to people? Am I just the shadow of my friends? I'm still searching who I really am. I feel like I value my self from the outside-in, not the inside-out.
It's scary how you try to find who you are and you can't find it. I've been searching it for almost 20 years now, and I still haven't figure that out.
I feel stupid, I don't know my identity, even though I found that in Christ. But I still can't do what I want to do because I'm afraid that other people will think bad about me. I forget since when that people's opinion is so important for me. I need to cast that out and get out from my shell.
Jesus, He is who I need.
He knows me better than I know my self, and there, I can find who I really am.
I just need to be bold. I just need Him to tell me again, and again.

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life." Isaiah 43:4

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