One of those days...

This is one of those day... you know, when you feel so crappy... and just want to quit from life. I feel like crap, everything is crap. People, work, classes, cell group... this is just wasting my time. Aaah! I need to leave.. I need to go... I don't know where. I want to be home. I am so emotional, I am so desperate, I am going crazy.
I started felling sick, so I decided to take 2 hours off from my work in the kitchen, I felt so ridiculously horrible.
My stomach and head hurts, issues with friends and society... Tired of life. I really don't like being in the USA, to be really honest with you. I rather go back to Indonesia and leave in my stinky old room.
I just want to go home. But, I don't have home anymore.
I woke up this morning and I woke my roommate up, and the first thing that came out from her mouth is the whine sound. I am so sick of it. I left and I promise my self that I will never ever whine, because I realize how annoying it is. Two of my best friend here, is kind of left me behind these several days... it made me kind of frustrated as well. Plus, all the homework and the assignment that due soon made me wanna blow my head off.
So, I just know that I need to get out.
I pack my backpack and start walking outside the campus. I walk to the Isaac Walton, is the little trail near by and it has a lot of cool trees and pond in it. It was a very good day to walk, it was actually WARM. It's like 50ish. So, it was very nice, all the snow are melting... and the ground start smell again.
I walk and looking at the dirt ground, it smells so good. I miss it a lot. After months and months locked in the building, I can actually walk outside and smell the ground again. I take my breath deeply, smelling the nature... I miss home. I always hike, and it just bring a lot of memories.
Now I really thankful that I can actually smell the ground again.
I keep walking... taking couple pictures. No more snow in the branches... gorgeous!
The river start flowing again... the pond is not frozen anymore. I found some little rock by the hill and I sat on it. The sun was brightly shining on me, it was amazing. I lay down, and close my eyes.
I try to listen to the sound of nature... it was quiet, nobody else was there, it's only me... and Jesus.
I purposely came there, to meet with Him, I really need to talk with Him. I really do. And I am so glad that He came. So I started pouring my heart out to Him...
I was so desperate... I am so tired of this roller coaster emotion game. I need Him, only Him alone.
And He was there, comforting me... encouraging me... it was so nice.
I asked, if He could gave me more illustration about how He encourage me. I love, love how He spoke to me through stories and my experience.
He show me the beach, the real one, the ocean. It was in Carita, Indonesia... It was warm and the sun was almost set. He remind me when me and my dad was went out body surfing. Oh, what a fun time. He remind me when my dad hold me and I was up in my surf board, ready to surf. And he told me to wait until the big waves come, so I can go faster and that's the whole point of surfing. And, here it is... the big waves come. He hold me tight to his chest, and he wish

per... "Are you ready? Here the waves come.." I remember I was anxious but excited at the same time. I trust my dad that when he let me go, it will be the perfect time so I can surf up till the shore.
It was beautiful.
Jesus is my dad and He said that don't see the waves as a threat, but see it as something that can made you soar high and speed you up. We need waves. God reminds me how I love waves, I love beach and how I really enjoy being in there. We need waves in our lives, waves is a good thing. And when I finally reach the shore.. I saw my dad, putting his thumbs up for me with big smile... Oooh!!
It was so, so beautiful. My tears are just falling over my cheek as I lay down in the dirt.
That was God, He is the lover of my soul, He is amazing. He made me not quit, because He is with me.
And He said, "Remember... I never leave you, not even a second. You'll get through it. Remember who you are..." You know, it reminds me about the Lion King movie, when Simba finally realize and know his identity as a king. So...
It was peaceful, ah! I needed that. He know I needed that so bad...
And I stood up and taking more picture and walk by a smaller pond. The sun was bright and it was so warm. I played some worship song... I feel like I am in heaven, I just don't wanna leave. It was so, so beautiful out there.
It was so peaceful, and I fall asleep for quite awhile. It's been a while since I just can rest in Him... many nights I just can't sleep well because of burdens and assignment that I can't get out of my mind.. time schedule... book that I have to read... all that crap.
But today, in His presence... my fear is gone. The light came and the darkness disappeared.
I was renewed, He is faithful... yesterday, today, and forever. I wouldn't trade Him for anything... ANYTHING in my life. Because He is the reason I live my life. He is the reason I live.